


Paint it Payback

by MistyBeethoven



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Bob Ross - Freeform, Bruce/Selina reference, Chubby Oswald Cobblepot, Jeremiah has a crush on Bruce & Batman, M/M, Paintbrushes, Protective Oswald Cobblepot, Rescues, Revenge, Set a bit after 5x12, The Iceberg Lounge, Umbrellas, paint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 20:02:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19092139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven
Summary: When Jeremiah seeks revenge on Edward Nygma, it is up to Oswald to save him.





	Paint it Payback

"I see Bruce Wayne is out of town," the Riddler said. He was sitting behind the desk of an office in the Van Dahl mansion; his long legs were resting on the desk top and a copy of the Gotham Gazette was opened in his thin fingers. "He's gone with Selina to Paris. Jeremiah will be jealous over that; jealous and bored as hell."

Oswald smiled as he sat on the couch looking over a stack of papers reporting the Iceberg Lounge's profits for the month. He was wearing his usual purple suit but his top hat had been tossed into a nearby chair. "Don't worry about him; Jeremiah Valeska has his other boyfriend, Batman, to amuse himself."

"Don't let either Wayne or Batman _ever_ hear you refer to them as Valeska's boyfriends okay, Oswald?" The Riddler warned and returned to reading the paper.

" _Oh_ , the pain of unrequited love," Oswald said. Looking at Edward Nygma he smiled. He had once known all about the subject. Still he had come out victorious in the end.

He doubted Jeremiah would ever be able to say the same.

"Boss the mail just came," Horace, the Penguin's mountain of a servant, came in with a stack full of letters.

Oswald Cobblepot grabbed them greedily out of the man's hand and started to rifle through them, searching for the most interesting ones first.

"Bill...bill...court order appearance," the Penguin was becoming increasingly disappointed until his eyes rested on a thin wrapped parcel in brown paper. "What the Hell is _this_?" he asked looking for the shipping label. "No return address just: To Edward Nygma c/o the Van Dahl Manor."

"What?" Edward exclaimed. He dropped the paper and came to stand beside his lover. Both men stared at the piece of mail.

"Who knows that you're here?" Penguin asked. "I mean besides the people I pay very well to keep their mouths shut."

The Riddler shrugged. He grabbed it out of Oswald's hands and started to open it.

"What if it's a _bomb_?!" the Penguin shrieked.

"Oswald only a group of terrorist squirrels could make a bomb that small."

Oswald smirked as Edward continued opening the package. Once finished he pulled out what was inside.

"A broken paintbrush?" Oswald said looking at it confused.

"A broken paintbrush," Nygma repeated.

"Who would want to send you a paintbrush?" Oswald searched his lover's face. "Bob Ross?"

"He's been dead for years."

"Two words: Hugo Strange," Penguin replied.

Nygma frowned. "Why would Strange want to resurrect a frizzy haired speed painter?"

Penguin only shrugged.

The Riddler turned the package around in his hands. It did not seem to have been damaged while being delivered; that meant it had been sent that way.

"Oh no," the Riddler said as his mind finally rested on the answer. He fell back on the couch.

"' _Oh no_ ' what?" Cobblepot asked the worry clear in his voice. "Edward, forgive me, but that doesn't sound like a good thing."

" _Speak of the devil and he's sure to appear_ ," Nygma muttered. "I stabbed Jeremiah Valeska with a paintbrush the day you were released."

"You did what?!?" Penguin screamed in horror.

"The man looked like a vegetable," Ed defended. "What kind of person would fake being a vegetable for ten years?"

"A man who is out of his mind," Oswald wailed. "That's who."

Cobblepot sat down next to his love. Both men frowned and stared ahead of them like mirrored images.

They had just learned what Jeremiah planned to do to occupy his mind during his crush's absence: get revenge on Edward Nygma.

* * *

In the following days Oswald had the tightest security placed on both the Van Dahl Manor and the Iceberg Lounge. He was determined to save Edward from any scheme a laughing lunatic could hatch.

The only problem was, as smart as he was, Edward Nygma was not smart enough to remain scared.

They were at the Iceberg Lounge when Oswald once again tried to remind the Riddler of this.

"You have to be careful," Oswald said as Edward complained about the many guards situated to keep him safe. "All it would take is one slip up and then I could lose you."

"I'm smarter than any clown Oswald," the Riddler replied offended. "Riddles take skill to figure out; any moron can laugh at a joke."

"Well, I for one, am not taking any chances," the Penguin sighed. "I like you alive and conscious."

Edward rolled his eyes.

"Now if you excuse me, I have to go make sure that they replaced the soap in the washrooms. I hate it when it starts getting all wet and gooey."

"That wouldn't happen if you got the liquid soap like I suggested," Ed stated.

"But they don't make liquid soap in the shape of little penguins now,  _do they_?" Oswald smiled.

Edward conceded and watched as Cobblepot walked out of the room.

Sighing and sitting on the sofa, still under the watchful gaze of the man hired to guard him, Edward placed his head in his hands. He was getting restless and felt terribly confined and smothered. Knowing Oswald loved him enough to want to protect him was heartwarming but if he didn't have one moment alone the Riddler feared he really would need a reservation at Arkham.

Lifting his head to look at the guard, Nygma knew that there was still one possibility.

Edward walked over to the man. "Do you have the time," he asked praying the man hadn't noticed the clock on the wall.

"Yes, it's..." the man started to say, looking down at his timex, as Edward grabbed him and lowering his head, rammed the goon's face into his knee.

The man fell to the ground and Edward headed to the window, unlocked it and started to go outside.

Oswald was sweet but he was still cheap and preferred to hire idiots.

* * *

" _Wh-where did he go_?" Oswald Cobblepot asked, having returned to the room and found his lover gone and the bodyguard passed out.

He was trying to revive the man when he spotted the open window.

"Never mind," Penguin said dropping the thug back to the ground and rushing to the place where the Riddler had made his escape.

"Don't worry Edward! I'm coming!" Oswald Cobblepot said as he tried and succeeded in pushing his plump frame through the window.

* * *

Edward Nygma was on his way back to the Iceberg Lounge, the sky turning darker when a short blonde woman who weighed no more than a ten year old holding a chihuahua stepped in front of him.

"You're the Riddler, aintcha?" she asked and Nygma knew this couldn't be good. Just as Oswald preferred hiring the same types so did Jeremiah Valeska.

"You have me mixed up with somebody else," Nygma said reaching insids his jacket.

"What do the French word for bread and the first four letters of a colorful substance have in common?" the woman asked obviously not believing him.

"Pain," Edward Nygma couldn't resist answering as his hand found his gun.

Nor could he resist feeling it as Jeremiah knocked him unconscious from behind.

"Say goodnight Gracie," Jeremiah said.

"Goodnight Gracie," his latest female sidekick echoed.

* * *

The three figures were gone by the time Oswald reached where they had previously been only moments before. It was the street corner nearest the Lounge. Cobblepot knew something bad had occurred as he saw a van speeding away and heard Valeska's chilling laughter.

Looking around, Oswald saw a paintbrush lying on the ground. He dropped to his knees and picked it up; it had been broken just like the one the Riddler had received in the mail.

"Oh _Edward_ ," Cobblepot moaned.

Jeremiah was a dangerous bastard. The man was not prone to leave clues as opposed to his poor obsessive compulsive lover; there would be no hint to where he was going.

Looking at the broken paintbrush in his hands, the Penguin wasn't so sure.

The man in the monocle grabbed the cellphone out of his pocket. "Horace come and pick me up at the corner of Moffat and make sure you bring my #4 umbrella."

Penguin put the phone safely away a look of determination on his face. It was a long shot but it was his only hope.

* * *

Edward Nygma was tied up to a large canvas in the Ace Chemical Paint Factory. He looked like a giant green Y. Before him, in a paint smeared smock and a floppy French painter's hat, stood Jeremiah Valeska. He had large vats of different colored paint by his side.

"You'll be a work of art by the time I am finished with you," the clown assured the Riddler. "I even perfected the paint I will be using so don't worry."

The Riddler still did. From the burning sensation in his nostrils the newly added ingredient did not promise to be good. "And you're doing this all because I shoved a paintbrush in your leg ages ago?"

"Revenge is a dish best served cold," Jeremiah smiled. "I always did like ice cream."

"Wait too long and it melts," the Riddler smirked. "By this point your ice cream has _definitely_ melted, you two bit joker."

"Ha ha," Valeska said without amusement and prepared his paintbrush."

* * *

Oswald had arrived outside the factory moments before. He looked at the umbrella Horace had handed him and frowned.

"Horace...I asked you to bring me the #4 umbrella. This is the #11. All this thing is good for is floating from heights!"

"I'm sorry. I've been meaning' to tell you, Boss but I can't read."

The Penguin sighed. It explained why the man kept getting lost. It didn't matter though. He needed to see what was going on inside of the building and to do that he needed to reach the building's roof.

He would have to use the fire escape.

Minutes later, heaving and wheezing Oswald reached the top of the factory. His thighs felt like two swollen watermelons and he felt on the verge of a heart attack. If they survived this he would have Ed look into buying the building so he could tear the whole thing down to exact his own revenge.

Penguin swallowed hard as he studied the inside of the Paint Factory from the building's skylight. He saw his beloved Edward tied to the canvas but was grateful that Jeremiah had seemed to be relying solely on his new blonde plaything for defense. She was waiting a fair distance away from Jeremiah and Ed.

Opening the skylight, Oswald Cobblepot opened his umbrella and floated down to the floor. The henchwoman was too busy making eyes at her new boss to notice him land softly beside her. By the time she had turned around, Penguin had slit her throat ensuring that she could not alert Jeremiah of his presence.

The dumb girl still managed to, however; the thud of her falling body made Valeska turn around quickly, a gun aimed at the new visitor.

"Ah, Oswald! Come to see me transform your lover?" Valeska asked. "Keep that umbrella raised and come over here. I know all about the infamous gun in the handle."

Oswald waddled over to where Edward and the maniacal clown waited.

"Reunited lovers," Jeremiah said feigning tears. "How sweet."

"How did you find out that we are lovers anyway?" Edward asked.

"Let's just say it's not that difficult when Oswald drops the soap every time you enter the shower at Arkham, Ed."

Both Oswald's and Edward's mouth dropped open.

"Plus the sounds old beaky _makes_...I can't get a wink of sleep! I'm always happy to be rid of the both of you!"

" _I do not_!" Cobblepot said. He looked to Ed for support but the tall man just looked at him somewhat sheepish.

"Well enough of it, once and for all!" Jeremiah said. "Better yet...Edward's always been your muse, Ozzy. Why don't you be the one to paint him."

Jeremiah motioned the Penguin forward. Cobblepot started to walk towards the clown.

"Oswald," Edward said.

The chubby man looked at him, urging him to stay quiet.

"Good," Jeremiah said offering him the brush. It was all he needed. Oswald used the moment to bring the umbrella over Valeska's head. Ducking, he closed it, imprisoning the man inside. Jeremiah thrashed around and Oswald took his gun, rushing to Ed Nygma to free him.

"See I _told_ you to be careful," Oswald said using his still bloody knife to cut his lover's bonds.

"Yeah. Yeah," Ed nodded but hugged his pudgy lover passionately as soon as he was freed. "

"What do we do about _him_?" Nygma asked looking at Jeremiah rolling around on the floor. "Should we call Arkham?"

"Would you appreciate it if he did that to us?" Oswald asked.

The Riddler nodded in understanding; even though they were villains they tried to remember the Golden Rule. Occasionally at least.

Carefully Oswald pushed a button on the umbrella, setting Valeska free, all the while keeping the gun aimed at him.

To both the Riddler and the Penguin's surprise Jeremiah was laughing.

"Ha ha ha! I tell you, Pengy! You sure are up for a good time! I like that about you, my fine feathered friend. I needed a good laugh with Bruce away and all. Now I've gotten it."

"You mean you aren't mad, Jeremiah?" Oswald asked.

" _Pffffftttt_ ," Valeska sounded. "No. Why should I be? Best time I've had in days. Stop calling me Jeremiah though. That's a weeping prophet and not a man of mirth like myself. Too many syllables too. Call me Joker. That's what your boy toy does, hey Riddles?"

Oswald and Edward looked at each other and started to smile.

"I'm sorry about your girlfriend," Cobblepot apologized.

The Joker pushed it away. "Just got her today. Hardly broken her in yet. Easy enough to find a new one."

"That's awfully kind of you," Oswald said.

"No problem," Joker grinned. "To tell you the truth, my heart wasn't really in it; just a mild diversion that's all."

"So we're all good," the Riddler asked. "It wasn't about revenge. No hard feelings about the paintbrush?"

"Oh...you're right," the clown said. "There is still that."

Without warning, the Joker broke the paintbrush still in his hand and rammed it in and out of Ed Nygma's leg.

"Ahhhhh!" Edward screamed as Oswald grabbed him to help hold him up.

"Your sins have been _brushed_ away," the mad clown said moving the brush in imitation of a priest absolving a sin. "All even stevens."

The Penguin went to shoot Valeska but, laughing wildly, the Joker jumped to the lower story and vanished.

* * *

Back at the Van Dahl mansion, a fire roaring in the fireplace, Oswald was kneeling in front of Edward as he sat on the sofa, helping to bandage the other man's leg. It had stopped bleeding and both men considered themselves lucky to be in the madman's good graces.

Or at least they hoped so.

"Do you think he _really_ considers us friends now?" Cobblepot said wrapping the bandage around one final time.

"I think so," Nygma answered after a bit of thought. "Although, to tell the truth, he seemed a bit more affectionate towards you."

"Why I wonder?"

"Probably because you made him laugh. He seemed to value that in a comrade."

Oswald pondered this for a while. "Funny how he wants a funny friend but he's head over heels for a man that looks like he would die if he were to so much as crack a smile."

"What we want in a friend is often very different from what we want in a lover; opposites attract," Nygma stated.

Yes. Looking at Nygma, Oswald knew it was true. Edward was so smart and rational while he was often foolish and over emotional. Still Cobblepot felt a moment of anger flare up inside of him thinking about his lover's behaviour that day.

The Penguin swatted Ed's good leg.

" _Ouch_!" the Riddler exclaimed. "What was that for?"

"You stupid _stupid_ man! You could have gotten yourself killed! Where would I be then huh?"

Seeing Cobblepot's pain Edward felt genuine remorse settle in as punishment. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"No you weren't. You have to be careful now. We're a _we_ remember."

"I understand," Nygma smiled. "You remember too: I want you as my lover _not_ my mother Oswald."

Cobblepot nodded and then looked down at his hand on his lover's leg.

"Edward...what Jeremiah said. I don't really make that much noise when we make love, do I?"

"Like a banshee in heat," the man in the glasses said. Seeing his lover's embarrassed expression he took the Penguin's sweet face in both of his hands to meet his eyes. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Oswald lit up. "Really?"

"Yes," Edward grinned. "Now let's get to bed so you can start making them."

Oswald helped his lover up, supporting him; he handed him a cane he had grabbed from out of a closet. It had assumedly once belonged to his father.

Edward Nygma studied it. "I think I like this thing. All it needs is a question mark at the top of it."

"You think about work too much," Cobblepot rolled his eyes.

"You're being a mother again Oswald," Edward warned.

"No. I'm speaking as a _lover_ ," Penguin corrected and from the way the other man kissed him Edward Nygma had no doubt that the words were true.

**Author's Note:**

> I will also soon be posting the latest installment in my John Wick & the Administrator series today as well.
> 
> Knowing it was Robin's Birthday today I worked on this quickly yesterday and got a cramped hand. I only hope it is okay at least. I wanted to make sure I celebrated with some Oswald/Edward too!
> 
> Happy Birthday Robin! I hope you have a great day and God bless you! :D <3


End file.
